| Naps are NOT negotiable! |
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The car smelled like spoiled milk. An army of ants had invaded my kitchen. The couch had stains that nobody would 'fess up to. There was a 15-foot trail of toilet paper leading from the bathroom to the living room. The baby had yanked off her diaper – not again! – and was running as fast as her chubby little legs could take her. The 4-year-old had declared for the hundredth time that our house smelled "yuck." And to top it all off, there was a severe shortage of clean underwear at my house. Overall, things seemed to be going well at the Pinkney Palace, don't you think? The couch culprit won't confess, but I will: I have made some mistakes in the past few months of stay-at-home momdom – lots of them. And that's why I have a bone to pick with my friends who have been stay-at-home parents longer than I have: None of you went into complete detail about your daily goings-on. (Well, maybe you did, but you should have made me pay more attention.) Statements like "It's not easy" and "It's tough, but you'll enjoy it" do me no good. I need a blow-by-blow report. And that’s why I’ve chosen to keep it real in this and other columns about life in the SAHM’s club. Sure, you have to learn some lessons on your own, but here are a few things I’ve learned over the past six months and which I felt obligated to pass along. “Keeping It Real” Tip No. 1: Naps are not negotiable. Everyone has to take a nap – even me. If the kids don't nap that day – say, an appointment runs long – they go to bed an hour early at night. If they wake up earlier than normal in the morning, naptime gets moved up. Also, if you have more than one child at home, it IS possible to get them to sleep at the same time. Do whatever you have to do to keep them all awake until nap time. Tip No. 2: The quickest way to stop a fight is to threaten them with a nap. My cousin, a stay-at-home mom with three boys, gave me this nugget of wisdom. And it works! You’ll be surprised at how quickly they make up. Tip No. 3: Welcome monsters, monkeys and other critters into the fold. If Elmo and Curious George are on television, I can get just about anything done (a shower, the dishes, my work). Figure out your kid’s favorite friend, and exploit it! Tip No. 4: Make your mantra “If you mess it up, you clean it up.” I don't run my house like a drill sergeant, but I guess my military background does come in handy with my troops, I mean, children. Our 17-year-old son is the king of clean, and even the 17-month-old knows that when Mommy says “in,” it means that toys go in the toybox. Tip No. 5: Reward charts are, um, rewarding: My husband and I stole this idea from the kids’ old preschool. We have a “treasure chest” with Play-Doh, crayons, books, DVDs and other fun things. Once they earn seven stickers, they get to pick a prize. They get stickers for things like eating their veggies or for doing their chores without having to be told, but stickers are deducted for bad behavior. This system works as long as there are top-notch treasures in the box. Note: Beware of little slicksters who, like my 4-year-old, may ask, “Do I get a sticker for saying ‘I love you, mommy?’ ” Tip No. 6: Put necessities within the kids' reach. Nothing wears me out quicker than getting up throughout the day to fetch snacks and drinks for my 4 and 6-year-old. Now milk and condiments are on their level in the fridge, and anything else they need is on the bottom shelf in the pantry. Plus they get a sense of accomplishment out of fixing their own sandwiches. I might supervise a bit, but for the most part I’m hands-off with simple things that they can do for themselves. I’m still hopping like crazy for the baby, though. So I leave snacks where she can reach them, because she is an all-day grazer. Tip No. 7: Never run out of disinfecting wipes. Personally, I think they are the best invention since disposable diapers. We keep ’em throughout the house. If you can’t mop, you can at least wipe. Tip No. 8: Don’t judge other stay-at-home parents by your standards. So what if you look freshly scrubbed by the time you pick up your other children from school? Don’t turn your nose up at the mom who wasn’t so lucky. And along those same lines, if you’re still in your jammies at 3 p.m., don’t hate the all-made-up mom. Tip No. 9: Don't sweat the small stuff. If the kids get permanent marker on the carpet, cover it with a cute rug and let it go. In the grand scheme of things, is your carpet really more important than your baby? (On a side note, kids and permanent markers don’t mix either.) Tip No. 10: Just do your best and keep smiling. I told my 6-year-old this very thing before her dress rehearsal for the school talent show. I also told her not to worry about having a perfect routine. Even if my car and house are smelly, at least my advice doesn’t stink.
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