In celebration of Father’s Day being right around the corner, I’ve come up with a list of things that my dad never, ever would have said to me while I was growing up (or would even say to me now):
12. “Can you turn up that music?”
11. “Midnight’s a pretty lame curfew. How ’bout 2AM instead?”
10. “I LOVE that you got your ears pierced without asking. Such an independent spirit!”
9. “That skirt’s a little on the long side, don’t you think?”
8. “You know what your room needs? Even MORE clothes piled on top of each other.”
7. “Here, take the remote.”
6. “I understand why you let your car run out of gas. You have a lot on your mind.”
5. “A date with a boy? Here, take 50 bucks to make it extra-romantic.”
4. “I think we should watch another episode of ‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians.’”
3. “You need more lipstick.”
2. “Look, I’m in no position to judge — your mom and I were too young when we had sex, too!”
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