10 Funniest Things Said During Labor and Delivery


“Funny” may not be the first word that springs to mind when you think about going into labor, but sometimes the chaos — and, yes, the pain — causes women to say some downright funny things.  Here are some amusing real-life quotes that we gleaned from the delivery room, birthing pool, where-have-you…

10.  “The first thing I said when they pulled her out during the c-section and told me that she had a head full of jet black hair was, ‘That’s not my baby.'”

9.  “After I delivered, I yelled, ‘I just shoved that out of my vagina, wahooo!’  I was excited.  lol”

8.  “I had a home birth with DS and between contractions I out of the blue gasped and asked my husband if he had remembered to feed the dogs.  Everybody laughed at me.”

7.  “When the midwife told me to push, I said, ‘You’ve got to be effing kidding me!””

6.  “’She’s so…so… cheesy.’  The baby was placed on my chest immediately after she was born. And she was covered head to toe with vernix.”

5.  “When the doctor was sewing me up, I felt it was taking so long, so I asked him: ‘Are you crocheting down there?’”

4.  “The TV had been on and my labor went faster than expected. So before anyone knew I was even complete, I had started crowning. In the chaos, the TV was left on and it was playing Days of Our Lives… A sex scene no less!…I screamed, ‘Turn it off! Turn it off! Sex is horrible! I am never doing it again!’”

3.  “At one point when I was screaming the nurse said, ‘Honey, you’re going to scare the other moms if you keep screaming.’ I yelled back, ‘They SHOULD be scared!'”

2.  “I was in the birth pool and on all fours when I announced to everyone that being on all fours was how it all started!  Not cool when my mom was right there!!

1.  “I screamed, ‘JUST GET HIM OUT!'”

Candy Kirby

Candy is the founder of The Mom Beat and a humor columnist whose work as appeared in Redbook, Nickelodeon's NickMom, Disney's BabyZone, HelloGiggles and eHow. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation.