13 Things You Probably Do If You’re a Grandmother

Poet Ogden Nash once noted, “When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.” That sounds about right. Perhaps the only thing more fun than being a parent is being a grandparent. And you just might be a grandmother if…

  1. You suddenly consider bedtimes arbitrary and discretional.
  2. You cannot walk through a store without checking out the children’s department for deals on stuff you would never have bought your own kids.
  3. You are struck with memories of your own child’s early life you thought you’d long forgotten.
  4. You find yourself defending your own parenting practices by saying things like, “Well, we did that back when YOU were a kid and you turned out just fine!”
  5. You have a new mantra: “What happens at Grandma’s, STAYS at Grandma’s.”
  6. You laugh to yourself when the grandchildren misbehave because you’re pleased your kids are finally getting a taste of their own medicine.
  7. Your antacid drawer also contains Dora Band-Aids.
  8. You sit in awe and amazement (and, frankly, bewilderment) as your three-year-old grandchild shows you how to use an iPad.
  9. You always have a treat on-hand for bribing and spoiling purposes.
  10. You read a child’s birthday party invitation and exclaim with dismay, “We have to wait until FIVE O’CLOCK to eat?”
  11. You suddenly develop a fondness for corny mementos such as “#1 GRANDMA” pillows.
  12. After spending an exhausting day with the grandkids you have thought, “THIS is why parenting is for young people,” before passing out on the couch.
  13. The baby pees his pants from sneezing or holding his bladder for too long — and so do you.

Candy Kirby

Candy is the founder of HerBeat Media and a writer/humorist who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation.