10 Signs You Are the Mother of a Toddler

“Sure, I’ll read this to you for the one-billionth time today!”

Being the parent of a child between the ages of 1 and 3 is a very special time — and, sometimes, a very “special” time — that changes your day-to-day life in indelible ways.  Changes that are noted in these 10 Signs YOU Are the Mother of a Toddler:

10.  The lining of your purse is even stickier than a frat house floor.

9.  You can read your child’s books to her without even looking at the pages.

8.  If you had a dollar for every time you heard, “Mommy up!  Mommy up!” you could buy Mark Zuckerberg’s life.

7.  The backseat of your car could feed all of the birds migrating south for the winter.

6.  You find yourself pleading, ”Can I pleeeaaase go to the potty by myself?” at least once a day.

5.  Just when you think you are totally rocking the lyrics to “Wheels on a Bus,” you are interrupted by a little voice demanding, “Stop, Mommy, stop!”

4.  You have very impressive arm muscles.  On one side.

3.  You only refer to yourself in the third person.  With questionable grammar.  (“Mommy get that for you!”)

2.  You refuse to eat in public without a disguise.  And a quick getaway car.

1.  You are in line for a heart transplant.  Because hearing “I love you, Mommy” for the first time made your heart burst with joy.  Boom!  Gone.

Candy Kirby

Candy is the founder of The Mom Beat and a humor columnist whose work as appeared in Redbook, Nickelodeon's NickMom, Disney's BabyZone, HelloGiggles and eHow. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation.