The 7 Stages of Pregnancy

#1 – SHOCK

OMG, am I reading the pregnancy test right? I can’t be reading that right. Is it supposed to be one line or two? It’s two! It’s two! OMG, OMG OMG!

#2 – PAIN

My boobs are sore, my stomach is upset and the smell of my co-worker’s Chinese food is seriously going to make me hurl.

#3 – BARGAINING

If I just jump up and down, and hold my breath for a moment, I can totally still button my regular jeans. No maternity clothes for me yet!

#4 – REFLECTION, LONELINESS

My friends are going to the bar tonight and I’m in my pajamas by 7:00. Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? More importantly, do we have any ice cream left?

#5 – THE UPWARD TURN

I have energy! My boobs look amazing! Second trimester rocks!

#6 – TESTING

*Googles every symptom and thing that happens to body*

*Googles ways to kick-start labor*

*Googles what other women’s bodies have looked like at same stage of pregnancy”

*Googles “bloody show”*

Okay, need to stop googling.

#7 – ACCEPTANCE & HOPE

This is really happening. I’m becoming a MOM. I can’t wait to meet my baby and see my toes again.

 

Candy Kirby

Candy is the founder of HerBeat Media and a writer/humorist who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation.