If Children’s Art Were Reviewed by The New York Times

Can you imagine if our kids’ artwork were reviewed by real critics at The New York Times?  Here’s how those reviews would likely read:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/25230222@N07/

Family drawings may be a dime a dozen, but the subject has been raised to sublime heights with three-year-old Julia’s rendition using only marker, Dad’s office paper that Jeremy wasn’t supposed to touch and just a drop of spilled Go-Gurt.  Note how Mom is the lone subject drawn in red, symbolizing Mom’s most frequently used word:  “STOP!” Meanwhile, the artist interestingly portrays herself with no arms, likely trying to communicate how she feels powerless within her family unit.  Either that, or she forgot to draw them before rushing off to watch Peppa Pig.


Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/goosmurf/

Four-year-old artist, Max, makes a resounding splash on the Play-Doh sculpture scene with his debut piece:  STARFISH GUY.  The artist’s use of a monochromatic theme is particularly noteworthy, given his usual propensity for mixing all of the colors together until they become a dull-looking clump.

Max’s STARFISH GUY features a wide smile to match his wide eyes, telling the world he’s happy to embrace whatever the ocean – a.k.a. kindergarten – throws his way, while STARFISH GUY’s arms say, “I’m ready to disco.”


Drew, 5-AND-A-HALF, has entered what art historians invariably will call his “Primary Color Period,” having previously refused to work with anything except Crayola Metallics.  The kindergartener was inspired to draw this self-portrait after overhearing his mother say he was “nine pounds and all head” when he was born.


This preschool artist, formerly a toddler “scribble-scrabbler,” demonstrates significant artistic growth with her most recent work.  Currently on display on the classroom corkboard, the crayon-and-pencil drawing is a visual ode to her “happy place” – drinking tea in a pink country house at night – which the preschooler mentally visits whenever she is forced to do something devastatingly boring, like accompany her mom to the post office or pick up her toys.


 

Note how the artist depicts the family jubilantly raising their oversized hands while Dad appears to be confined; this is the artist’s interpretation of the family’s trip to Disneyland where, after two hours of waiting in line to ride The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, her father grumbled, “You’re gonna have to take me out of here in a straitjacket.”

Candy Kirby

Candy is the founder of HerBeat Media and a writer/humorist who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation.