How Life on ‘Orange is the New Black’ is Easier than Life as a Mom

My nights used to end with me collapsing into bed after one too many tequila shots.  Now…?  They end with me collapsing into bed after two exhausting bedtime routines, followed by a binge-watching session of Orange is the New Black.  And with the new season of the show premiering this month, , I can’t help but think…

You know, in some ways, life on Orange is the New Black is easier than life as a mom.

For example:

7. Meals are not only cooked for you, but they are served to you.
6. No judgment for wearing elastic waistband pants.
5. When somebody throws a tantrum, no need to deal with it — just let the guards put them in solitary, er… a time-out.
4. Actually have a 1 out of 3 chance of getting to pee by yourself with the door closed.
3. Low expectations in the beauty and grooming department.
2. Thin bed mattress is more comfortable than floor of baby’s room while trying to soothe teething infant.
1. Okay, sure, there is still somebody peeing on your floor — but at least it only happens once!

Candy Kirby

Candy is the founder of HerBeat Media and a writer/humorist who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation.