Our holiday gift to you: the funniest parenting Tweets we came across this week. (Sorry, the diamond tennis bracelets were ALL sold out.)
Oh! It’s almost bedtime? Let me play with you so you get all hyped up and puke a little. -Husbands.
— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) December 1, 2015
I was just like Mark Zuckerberg when my daughter was born except I gave 99% of my wealth to the insurance deductible and copays.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 2, 2015
ME: I have good news & bad news WIFE: Bad news first M: The penguin pooped in the tub W: We don’t own a- M: *smiling* And now the good news
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) December 2, 2015
Recipe for Triscuits: Finely chop one scarecrow. Salt to taste.
— Honest Toddler (@HonestToddler) December 2, 2015
“Crack is whack.” -My kid apparently, who refuses to eat an imperfect cookie.
— Marl Beans (@Marlebean) March 9, 2015
Me: “You kids aren’t getting any more toys until you take care of the ones you have!” Grandma: “Here are 8,000 new toys just for existing.”
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) December 1, 2015
Sometimes you feel like a nut, Other times, you’re with your family and you realize that you’re the sanest one there.
— Ɠıཞɩ Ơŋ ɬą℘ąʂ (@girlontapas) November 29, 2015
Had fun with 6 over Thanksgiving break. It flew by & I’ll miss spending time with h– *sees 3 wk Christmas vacation on calendar OH C’MON
— Silent Meh, Holy Meh (@TheAlexNevil) November 30, 2015
Being the bigger person and not shouting, “BOOOOOOOM. TOLD YA SO!” in your kids’ faces every day is the hardest part of being a parent.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) November 30, 2015